The Dziekansky Inquiry
If you’re a skier in distress,
We’ll overlook your SOS,
For Mounties just don’t want to know
When dying words are left in snow.
But when a man steps off a plane
And cries for help, our Mountie brain
Knows right away the proper course
Is swift and painful use of force.
Get lost in our arrival hall?
We’ll be there in no time at all
To help you see, when you’re upset,
That you’ve become a deadly threat.
Pick up a stapler in your hands,
Refuse to meet our firm demands,
Act strange in ways that raise our fear,
And Mounties answer loud and clear.
Sometimes we fail to get our man,
And things don’t work out quite to plan,
But next time, when you need our aid,
Stand still and show us you’re afraid.
Please understand, the Mounties strive
To help our suspects stay alive,
But if you won’t or can’t comply,
Don’t blame our tasers when you die.